Connections. We are connected every minute of our lives through our blogs, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to friends and family and of course the voyeuristic stranger. Lives lived out in the open as we document every significant moment and many less so significant moments. When I use the universal pronoun of we I don’t mean ME. I have never had a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account; purposefully eschewing any online presence. If you google my name, you will find many , many women with that name…absolutely none of them are me. I have lived my life Off The Grid and that has suited me quite nicely. Until now. Recently, I have felt an inner desire to push the “frightened rabbit” out of the shadows. To live in the Sun.
I have been sleepwalking through my life for too long. Something has sparked on the inside of me that quite simply won’t allow me to do that one moment longer. As painful as it is–I am wide awake. I used to hope and dream. I used to believe. Somewhere along the way I stopped, I couldn’t tell you when, I haven’t been that woman in a very long time. I stopped imagining any kind of future that didn’t look exactly like an endless sameness of my present. I think it comes from fear of disappointment–if I never dreamed, if I never hoped for more–I didn’t have to worry about being disappointed when my dreams didn’t come true. So, over the course of this year I hope to become HER again…the girl who lives both in and for her dreams.
Closing her eyes, inhaling a strengthening breath of air…Life? She takes a step forward out of darkness into the light.