Love, Grief and the Earth’s Two Moons

image“You put together two people who have not been put together before; and sometimes the world is changed, sometimes not. They may crash and burn or burn and crash. But sometimes, something new is made, and then the world is changed. Together, in that first exaltation, that first roaring sense of uplift, they are greater than their two separate selves. Together, they see further and they see more clearly.”

“Levels of Life” by Julian Barnes

From the day I met my dearest and closest friend when we were paired up as dance partners in salsa class the world changed for me and him and we both from our love for each other, that seemed to grow ever deeper, ever richer with each passing year, became better people together than we ever were separately. He died suddenly and tragically at the start of this year and again my world has been changed and I’m now a different person without him. I won’t go deeply into how grief feels, let’s just say it kinda feels like someone has punched you in the gut, cut off a limb and placed a pillow on your face to suffocate you…all at once. Tennyson wrote his poem In Memoriam or The Way of the Soul over a period of seventeen years to work through and heal after the sudden death of a beloved friend, the most famous lines of the poem being:

I hold it true, whate’er befall

I feel it when I sorrow most;

‘Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all

In my loneliest and darkest moments all I can think is how I would destroy the whole world to have just one moment more with my friend, thankfully those moments give way to light and feeling just so thankful to have had him in my life for the time I did. He was open and gregarious and just instantly beloved by all who met him so I feel so honored and privileged knowing how much he loved me.

I recently learned/ read in The Telegraph  that many lunar scientists believe that the earth originally had two moons. This smaller ‘twin’ moon is believed to have survived a few million years before it had this slow collision with our known moon leaving just one. This two becoming one explaining why the two sides of the moon are so different from each other, one side being smooth the other rough and mountainous. I’m not able to articulate or put into words why, but the knowledge of this, these twin moons becoming one… well it has changed my world, it has changed me. forever.